Nostalgia

Sookie is sleeping and I cannot help but watch her.

I find I continue to be nostalgic tonight.

Being vampire, I do not wish to acknowledge this feeling as fear and shall, for now, continue to call it nostalgia.

What am I nostalgic for, you ask?

A bygone era, style of dress, music, a lover who temporarily eased the ache in my soul?

All of those things, but none of them capture my attention tonight.

My thoughts are lured back to those 2 weeks spent with Sookie, when I was newly healed after facing the sun.

Bon Temps was lulled back into sleepy security with the death of Rene Lenier, Jessica was ensconsed and occupied with Eric and Pam and Sookie and I could love each other without intrusion, fear and interference.

My maker, Lorena, had a strong hold on me. I will not deny it. But the hold of a maker over a child is not love. Not in the sense most have come to know of the word.

I was crazy with my obsession for her. The pleasures she taught me to enjoy and embrace. Reveling in the flesh and thirsting for the blood. Stalking my prey, hunting, glamouring into submission and drinking my fill. Taking their bodies as I wished, all for my pleasure.

I shudder longingly, even now, at the thought of it all. I will not say it was unpleasant. I do not make excuses.

I am Vampire.

Nothing…

All of it is nothing compared to the feeling that has been reawakened in me.

To feel almost human again. To have my love and the world know who and what I am, and still be loved and accepted. It is a feeling I never expected to encounter in my undead life.

I fought against it. Will it weaken me? Will it cause my final death?

I find I do not care.

If this moment is fleeting, it is still more than I have felt in the 143 years since my turning.

It will be kept close to me, to warm my cold, unbeating heart until I finally meet my end.

MINE

Sookie is mine. Make no mistake. I will not willingly surrender the one person who has truly made me feel again after all these years.

She is my miracle.

Eric is my Sheriff and to him I have pledged my obedience. A deal was struck and to this deal we must adhere.

To watch her blindly and willingly put herself in harm’s way once again, for vampire politics, while I am powerless to stop it, is almost more than I can bear. If anything happens to her, I promise a painful retribution to those who would dare to harm her.

Politics be damned! Wrap me in silver and place me in a coffin for 5 years. Better yet, stake me, as I will not wish to continue.  The sunrise would find me eager to view its colors as they rose over the horizon.

The night turns and the black is slowly erased with the first touch of light in the sky.

She sleeps and I watch. I find I cannot stop looking at her.

I want to grab her and run back to Bon Temps. Back to those 2 weeks when life was idyllic and we were just allowed to be.

I fear, yes….I fear, that those 2 weeks will be the last of their kind and we will never know that kind of peace again.

Have I mentioned?

I do not have a good feeling about Dallas.

24 Responses to “Nostalgia”

  1. manicdistress Says:

    I will make sure to link to yours from mine. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us, Bill. *smiles* – Madlyn ~*~

  2. I love the Title of this entry. I look forward to see what more you share with us.

  3. MissCassee Says:

    Outstanding. Can’t wait to see what you will share with us in the future.

  4. I love your love way between you and sookie. And how you love her and how sookie love you too, cares about you. Its always makes me smile and kinda blushing, because I’m think if there’s a man do this to me like what you did to sookie. Both have big different but you and her always looks great. How lucky is she.

  5. BillsBelles Says:

    Very nice work sir!

  6. […] Check out his first entry, entitled ‘Nostalgia‘ […]

  7. This was very insightful and very Bill-like (I have read all the books). I like hearing about those two weeks that we didn’t see. I understand that the @names are so people can find them on Twitter- but it’s very distracting. I would feel it was more real without those. Maybe you can link to them at the bottom of the blog or something?? Just a thought… Keep up the good work!!

  8. This prose is mesmerizing and lulling like a porch rocking chair on a hot July day. I eagerly await more thoughts….

  9. I’m speechless…very moving , I can definately feel the Love you and Sookie share for each other… Beautiful !!!Thank-you for sharing those thoughts…Looking forward to more.

    I sure hope your feelings about Dallas dont come to be , please dont let that happen.

  10. BillohBill Says:

    Darling, please, be careful. I will always be here for you, no matter what happens. My Prince of Darkness.

    Have I mentioned that I liked you in blue jeans? THUD

    Smooches!!

  11. A neloquent but somber musing. You have touched the tragic romantic part of my heart. Thank you for sharing and I too look forward to future writings.

  12. Hello. Great job. I did not expect this on a Wednesday. This is a great story. Thanks!

  13. sheribaby51 Says:

    I’ve been following your tweets for fun, but just read your blog for the first time. In all seriousness, you write beautifully.

  14. Katzshadow Says:

    I read this blog for the first time today….my heart sang. Oh, to have a love like that. You have a poets soul. You are and always will have a place in my heart….you are so special words cannot express.

  15. vampirebill Says:

    Thank you to all who haven taken the time to read the inaugural post on this blog. I will be adding to it soon, once this mess with the maenad is behind us.

  16. Cant wait to read the additions. Very much looking forward to it !! Thank-you again , it’s unexplainably beautiful !!

  17. Can’t wait to read more! Very nice job, as well as a nice addition to the tweets!

  18. NaughtySookie Says:

    This is beautiful and well-written. Very visual. Makes the reader feel she is there. Congratulations.

  19. Master this is great! I didn’t know you had this talent! Please come back to Twitter! Your subjects miss you!

    Love,
    Your Loyal and devoted Robe

  20. CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU. DONT GO AWAY ON SEASON 3

  21. I am new to TrueBlood, but already am so intently hooked. I have purchased everything I can get my hands on to bring me closer to all of you. Each of you are unique and will have a very strong follower in your corner.

  22. suecforrest Says:

    As I was reading I was swept away as if waltzing on a cloud. It was musical and magical. Bill and Sookie seem trapped in a world where if only Time Could Stand Still.

  23. This is gorgeous!

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