Sookie is sleeping and I cannot help but watch her.
I find I continue to be nostalgic tonight.
Being vampire, I do not wish to acknowledge this feeling as fear and shall, for now, continue to call it nostalgia.
What am I nostalgic for, you ask?
A bygone era, style of dress, music, a lover who temporarily eased the ache in my soul?
All of those things, but none of them capture my attention tonight.
My thoughts are lured back to those 2 weeks spent with Sookie, when I was newly healed after facing the sun.
Bon Temps was lulled back into sleepy security with the death of Rene Lenier, Jessica was ensconsed and occupied with Eric and Pam and Sookie and I could love each other without intrusion, fear and interference.
My maker, Lorena, had a strong hold on me. I will not deny it. But the hold of a maker over a child is not love. Not in the sense most have come to know of the word.
I was crazy with my obsession for her. The pleasures she taught me to enjoy and embrace. Reveling in the flesh and thirsting for the blood. Stalking my prey, hunting, glamouring into submission and drinking my fill. Taking their bodies as I wished, all for my pleasure.
I shudder longingly, even now, at the thought of it all. I will not say it was unpleasant. I do not make excuses.
I am Vampire.
All of it is nothing compared to the feeling that has been reawakened in me.
To feel almost human again. To have my love and the world know who and what I am, and still be loved and accepted. It is a feeling I never expected to encounter in my undead life.
I fought against it. Will it weaken me? Will it cause my final death?
I find I do not care.
If this moment is fleeting, it is still more than I have felt in the 143 years since my turning.
It will be kept close to me, to warm my cold, unbeating heart until I finally meet my end.
Sookie is mine. Make no mistake. I will not willingly surrender the one person who has truly made me feel again after all these years.
She is my miracle.
Eric is my Sheriff and to him I have pledged my obedience. A deal was struck and to this deal we must adhere.
To watch her blindly and willingly put herself in harm’s way once again, for vampire politics, while I am powerless to stop it, is almost more than I can bear. If anything happens to her, I promise a painful retribution to those who would dare to harm her.
Politics be damned! Wrap me in silver and place me in a coffin for 5 years. Better yet, stake me, as I will not wish to continue. The sunrise would find me eager to view its colors as they rose over the horizon.
The night turns and the black is slowly erased with the first touch of light in the sky.
She sleeps and I watch. I find I cannot stop looking at her.
I want to grab her and run back to Bon Temps. Back to those 2 weeks when life was idyllic and we were just allowed to be.
I fear, yes….I fear, that those 2 weeks will be the last of their kind and we will never know that kind of peace again.
Have I mentioned?
I do not have a good feeling about Dallas.